Unless

John 20: 19-31, page 115
When it was evening on that day, the first day of the week, and the doors of the house where the disciples had met were locked for fear of the Jews, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.”
After he said this, he showed them his hands and his side.
Then the disciples rejoiced when they saw the Lord.
Jesus said to them again, “Peace be with you. As the Father has sent me, so I send you.” When he had said this, he breathed on them and said to them, “Receive the Holy Spirit. If you forgive the sins of any, they are forgiven them; if you retain the sins of any, they are retained.”
But Thomas (who was called the Twin), one of the twelve, was not with them when Jesus came. So the other disciples told him, “We have seen the Lord.” But he said to them, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.”
A week later his disciples were again in the house, and Thomas was with them.
Although the doors were shut, Jesus came and stood among them and said, “Peace be with you.”
Then he said to Thomas, “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.”
Thomas answered him, “My Lord and my God!”
Jesus said to him, “Have you believed because you have seen me? Blessed are those who have not seen and yet have come to believe.”
Now Jesus did many other signs in the presence of his disciples, which are not written in this book. But these are written so that you may come to believe that Jesus is the Messiah, the Son of God, and that through believing you may have life in his name.
Sermon
Here we have the story of Thomas, or Doubting Thomas as he’s been labeled because of this event. And that’s a hard label to live with, but I think labels like that can be good or bad.
I was listening to a radio show called This American Life a couple months ago, which got me thinking about ways that labels – especially labels like “autistic,” a label the King’s Daughter’s School is currently raising awareness about – can be good or bad.
This American Life is a radio show that lasts about an hour and tells three or four different stories, nothing spectacular, just a story about people, all relating to a similar topic: there was a valentines episode, an episode on the financial crisis in Greece, and this one, an episode on people who were willing to make big changes to their lives in order to survive.
The second story in episode 458 began by describing the relationship of a woman named Kristen with her husband. Kristen, who worked as a speech therapist at a school for kids who had been diagnosed with things like autism or Asperger Syndrome, and her husband had been going through a rough patch and Kristen often wondered why.
The thing about working with people who are labeled by their disorders, especially disorders that because of a lack of awareness often go undiagnosed, is that the women who Kristen worked with would often wonder if people outside the school suffered from autism or Aspergers: the clerk who ignored them, the emotionally distant boss who never seemed to understand, and of course, considering the symptoms of Aspergers, emotional distance, inflexibility, missing social clues, and weak listening skills, every woman who Kristen worked with wondered if their husband suffered from Aspergers as well.
Now the seriousness of Aspergers cannot be understated. As I said before, this is Autism awareness month, and people who are challenged by autism or aspergers certainly have a true challenge, but people who are diagnosed or labeled as having autism or aspergers can receive help, unlike those who are challenged by the symptoms but don’t know why.
As it turned out, Kristen’s husband had aspergers.
And when her husband David heard the news about himself he was amazed. He described that moment of diagnosis this way: “It was such a huge moment, a sublime moment. It's a weird way to say it, but I almost felt as though I was present at my own birth, if that's it, if that's a decent way of saying that. I mean, it was as if somebody finally handed me a user manual for myself. You know, here's how you operate, and if you read this manual, everything that was difficult in life before is going to be a lot easier now, because it makes sense and you can learn how to control certain things.”
From that moment of diagnosis things really did start to improve. David started to change his behavior: he made himself stop changing the station on the car radio if his wife was listening to something, he stopped rushing her through everything, he made himself be more flexible about their schedule, he taught himself to fold everything in the dryer instead of just taking out what he needed, and he forced himself to listen. Also because of his diagnosis, just the label “Aspergers,” his wife Kristen became much more compassionate as she understood that all these things he had been doing that drove her crazy weren’t his fault.
It’s just a word, just a label, and labels can certainly be bad – calling someone doubting Thomas isn’t a compliment, but there’s no doubt that a label can also be good.
So he says to the Disciples, “Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe.”
It takes a lot to come out and say something like that. You have to be honest about yourself and your own limitations. You also have to be honest with others; Thomas has to be honest about the fact that he doubts the testimony of his friends who told him, “We have seen the Lord.”
I’m sure they would have preferred their friend to be Normal Thomas, or Go With the Flow Thomas, or I’ll Pretend To Take Your Word For It Even Though I Don’t Really Believe You Thomas – anything besides Doubting Thomas, but Doubting Thomas was who he was and can you really fault a guy for being honest about himself?
Coming to terms with his problem, Thomas is able to do something about it, and that's different from any of the other disciples for every single one of them was stuck behind a locked door, every single one of them, even after Jesus came to see them and sent them out into the world saying, “As the Father has sent me, so I send you” didn’t go out but remained in that room not doing anything to further the mission of Jesus Christ.
Compared to doing nothing, compared to Lazy Andrew, Slow to Respond James, and Failure to Launch John, Doubting Thomas is really ahead of the game coming to terms with what stands in his way, being honest about what is preventing him from doing the work that Christ set him to.
It’s in facing such obstructions that we see bravery, and bravery was in short supply among those disciples. Every single one of them locked behind that closed door for fear of the Jews – all except Thomas who was out doing who knows what the first time Jesus came.
Petrified Thaddeus, Simon the Fearful, and Scared James, all behind locked doors when Jesus first arrives, and even when Christ comes the second time they are still in that same room, their fear stopping them from doing anything at all.
Christ comes that second time, and knowing the heart of Thomas, knowing his doubts before he even gave voice to them, says, “Put your finger here and see my hands. Reach out your hand and put it in my side. Do not doubt but believe.” Thomas responds, “My Lord and my God.”
Someone very wise told me once that death isn’t nearly so terrifying if you’re willing to look it in the eye. But how many are so willing to look in the eye such sensitive realities? How many are willing to come to terms with what will happen to them? With who they are, mortal, fragile, and struggling?
How many are willing to be honest about their reality?
How many are willing to label what stands in their way – what they can’t leave behind by themselves?
Thomas was – and so he will forever be labeled the Doubter by his own bold honesty. As for the rest – Bartholomew had his reservations but he kept them to himself. Levi knew he wasn’t leaving that room but he couldn’t tell you why – like so many he was unwilling to peer too deeply into the reality of who he was. And Peter – he knew who he was. He couldn’t escape it. But Peter who betrayed Christ three times before the cock crowed just as Jesus said he would was too ashamed, much too ashamed to take even the first step towards believing in himself again. Broken, Devastated, Self hating Peter was not able to look Christ in the eye when he came to the Disciples. Unlike Thomas, he wasn’t able to believe that being honest about his frailty was what Christ really wanted, even after Christ invites Thomas to do exactly what he needed to do to be made whole again.
Thomas says to these disciples, “Unless. Unless I see the mark of the nails in his hands, and put my finger in the mark of the nails and my hand in his side, I will not believe,” and we stand back and judge him but how much farther along is he than any other disciple for coming to terms with what keeps him from doing the work Christ has called him to do.
And Christ knows about you. Christ knows that the only difference between you and Thomas is not your doubt, your fear or your shame, but whether or not you're willing to come to terms with the realities that stop you from moving on with your life. Whether or not you’re willing to trust Christ with who you are, what you’ve done, and what you struggle with. Whether or not you’re willing to give voice to what you wish you weren’t.
Will you speak your shame?
Is it over doubt; is it over fear; is it the inability to forgive; is it anger? Whatever it is it need only stand in your way as long as you keep it inside rather than lay it at the feet of the one who can do something about it – who can love you in spite of it.
For Christ comes to Thomas and says, “See and believe,” but first it took Thomas being honest about his doubts that stood in the way.
There is no shame in doubting. But for those who doubt without doing anything about it, how can there ever be freedom?
Amen.